Bartlett Traded

Daniel in Montreal at team party

    Stalwart Defenceman Daniel Bartlett has had his trade request fulfilled in a move which sees him rounding out an already funny Montreal Roster.  He adds his wit, charm, and overall sense of humour to to a clubhouse already brimming with laughter.  I mean, a team with the likes of Scott Gomez, P.K. Subban , and class-clown Roman Hamrlik, must surely look forward to the addition of such a supernova (for lack of a better word) of fun.  Bartlett seemed jubilant about the move.

From the Room: All In Keep Sticks on Balls

D. Maxham works on strategy with team counsellor

What an ugly match.  Officially, there were three red cards given out, along with one yellow card.  However, by the sound of it, Daniel Maxham believed there could have been even at least one more "yellow" card given out.  As the Flying Dutchmen went over adjustments they should make for their next match against All-In, team captain David Wheaton made a suggestion that was not only questionable, but questioned by Daniel Maxham. 
    A demoralized Wheaton said "We shouldn't even show up for these p***ks next time." 
   Maxham, enraged, called out Wheaton in front of the dressing room "What!?  That's the most p***y thing I've ever heard!"
    "Ha! Ha!  I was just jokin'.  No, that would be stupid.  Good answer Danny!  Did anyone agree with me?  If anyone agreed with what I just said, they're off the team." rambled Wheaton while trailing off. He then ran out of the gym/dressing room, mumbling something about hockey tape.

Costello: "Doc Says I Can't Play!"

Patrick Costello

Dutchman Forward Patrick Costello has confirmed that he will not be able to play for the forseeable future due to a dislocated shoulder incurred while "messing around"  with Defenceman Graham Cuthbertson.  "We were moving s*** around in the dark, and the rest is history," said Costello.  "Doc says I can't play."
      "I don't even know what happened, to be honest," said Cuthbertson. "One minute we were lifting a couch or something, and the next thing you know, Patrick's standing there, white as a sheet, telling everyone to get away from him.  It was pretty funny.  By the way, everyone should check out the trailer for our play on Youtube.  It's called 'Gordon' by Morris Something."(playwright Morris Panych).

Dutchmen No. 1 in the Entire League

For all of you who were worried, check out these stats:
Most Wins*:  The Flying Dutchmen - 1
Most Goals*: The Flying Dutchmen - 12
Highest Plus/Minus*:   The Flying Dutchmen - +8
Most Social Points*:  The Flying Dutchmen - 5
Most Fairplay Pts*:  The Flying Dutchmen - 10
Highest Win%*:  The Flying Dutchmen - 83.3%
Biggest Star:  The Flying Dutchmen - you know who.

As Yogi Berra once said:  "Hot Yoga will only get you so far." 
Last night's game saw the STM get taken for a ride, for a change.
"Looks like we took the STM for a ride, for a change,"  quipped Frederic Bouchard.
"Yeah, usually it's the opposite," clarified Joachim Gadbois.
"Exactly, usually, it's the STM takes people for a ride," said forward Patrick Costello.  They were all laughing and/or smiling.  Then they all left to watch the last period of the hockey game.  So, that's about it.

(* stats may change over the next week, due to factors outside our control, such as other teams submitting their game results)

Wheaton Goes For a Jog

"I'm going for a jog.  Hopefully we can turn this season around," said David Wheaton, after losing 7-3 to their division rivals, 2Short, last Wednesday. 
   "You can't do that, you can't come into training camp out of shape.  I mean, I didn't train much in the offseason, and I guess it caught up with me.  So, hopefully, I can come back after this jog, and be ready for the start of the season.  You know, look at Johnny, and what he's been able to do, with the heat yoga.  He got a goal and gave us a chance to win.  I mean, yes, it is a sacrifice, but no, it's not one I'm willing to make."  he said, and after a thoughtful pause, continued "No, it's not one I'm not willing to make.  So, yeah."

The Flying Dutchmen recently finished a 2 week break between seasons.  Wheaton had one missed shot and played 3:32, with an average shift of 17 seconds.

Le Retour du Roy

Roy caught attacking Paparazzi on Crescent st.

The Dutchmen have finally signed Defenceman Alain Roy for the coming season. "Je suis tellement heureux de me joindre aux Dutchmen!" said Roy, to hordes of fans and media.  No official word on the terms of the deal.  The figures being mentioned on Twitter range from 5.2 to 6.5 tens of dollars.  A cap hit of 60 Dollars would leave the Dutchmen with Twelve players under contract and about one Buck of space, which will probably end up being a drummer.

Hot Yoga Puts Greer on Thin Ice

John Greer caught being very cheerful after Yoga Class

Looks like Flying Dutchman winger John "Wheezy" Greer is in a bit of hot water. Looks like Greer is all bent out of shape. Looks like John Greer's antics have got his Dutchmen teammates steamed, if you know what I mean. John Greer's been caught doing Yoga. But wait, it gets worse. Good ol' regular yoga wasn't good enough for Johnny. He's doing HOT YOGA. "I like it hot. It's sweaty." Greer said when asked how he got into such a...erm...sticky situation. Some say it's just the latest in a series of strange habits he's picked up since getting together with Jen Aniston. "I've always been interested in Yoga and things like that...Vegetarianism," said the 27 goal scorer over organic bacon and eggs. "And it's good to get stretchy, sometimes, I think."

Greer's guru, Shantalom

When told of Greer's escapades, his teamates reactions were ran from lukewarm to bikram-hot. "I think it's a lot of nonsense," said Keeper Matthew Maxham. Team Captain David Wheaton was a little more diplomatic. "Look, we were coming down of a great playoff run, and sometimes, when it's over, it's hard to adjust to regular life. I'm just glad nobody got hurt." Perhaps it was Vanna Vong who summed it up best "What's hot yoga?" Hmm. What indeed?

Correction Dutch Fans!

In an earlier post (DW outgunned, but not outhearted) I wrote that my posts would end with "Posted by D-Min," or something. Well, for now it seems, that is wrong. They will fall under the name "David." I apologize for any inconvenience this may cause.

DW outgunned, but Not Outhearted

Marines Firepower too much for even  D.W. to take. 

Unfortunately, this may be my last post as solo blogger on this site.  The Powers that be have decided to open up to the other players on the team.  Maybe we can arrange individual signatures so all of the fans can follow their favourites.  Yes.  So, let’s get that out of the way, shall we?  Mine will say “posted by D-min, a.k.a. Slowfoot.”    

Well, the Flying Dutchmen’s season is over.  But so is The Marines’.  So fuck them, too.  Man! 9-3.  Just when you think they’re gonna pull it out, they go and shove it farther up your “you know what.”  (Ass)  The Flying Dutchmen were definitely not living up to their name by the end of this one.  The players on the other team weren’t even really running by the end of it.  The sad thing is, they didn’t have to.  Happy for them, I guess.  Now, look.  I realize the Dutchmen were down by four or five goals with time running low.  Paraphrasing the great Don Cherry, you should never run up the score, right?  So fuck it.

The first half was relatively close, considering the Marines’ track record against the Dutchmen.  They hadn’t lost once all season.  Actually, they have never lost once to the Flying Dutchmen.  Ever.  But that’s beside the point. 

Mini Van had lots to say after the game.

D-min blonde put in another star performance with a goal and some assists, even though he was playing hurt the whole game.  But first, let’s talk about the goal: to quote the venereal Bob Cole, “Whoa, Baby!”   Slowfoot  got the ball in the slot and launched a seeing-eye ball right into top corner of the top shelf.

            “It was a frozen rope!”  said Graham in the scrum after the game.  Or something like that.  When asked what this meant on the ride home, Pear Man said “I don’t know, that it was straight?” 

            “Probably that it was really fast.  Fast enough to freeze rope,” he was told (by Dave).  To a man, Dave was correct.

            “Nice shot”, said The Terminatrix Files, right after the game.  The rest of the team agreed.  “It was great” they seemed to say.  D-max laughed at D-min after the goal and never got one himself.   

            After that, the fitted sheet started to come off the bed.  A couple of other guys scored for the Dutchmen - more on that some other time.  However, despite His efforts, the game was lost. 

            “Thanks,” said Jaybird, who had just been given a beer by Slowfoot as Jo-Jo looked on.

1^st Star:  D-Min

2^nd and 3^rd stars:  La Bouche, Jo-Jo,  The Velvet Rope, D-Max, bucky, Mini-Van, etc.

From the Archives

Here's a trip down Memory Lane.  Check out this CBC spot on the 1955 incarnation of the Dutchmen, a year before representing Canada in the Olympics.  Also, it was shot mere 2 years before they shed the skates forever, during the early days of ball hockey.  A story often told has Coach Bobby Bower having dinner with Prime Minister Louis St-Laurent shortly after the Olympics, when suddenly, right before the main course, Louis asks Coach Bower  "Why in hell don't you guys get some balls and show us some real hockey."  That's when he decided to talk to the owner about relocating and modernising the team.

"It Feels Like Game Seven"

One of Two Cores of Dutchmen Team

"Simper Fi": Marines ain't as tough as they seem

 Check out this video clip.  Watch as the little guy gets his shots.  Listen to his cries. 

Trouble in the Dutch Oven

 Two Dutchmen caught carousing with mystery girl in Griffintown Supper Club

Team Veteran (age: 33) caught drinking at high school party.

Well, it looks like the Flying Dutchmen are already celebrating following their first round win against 2Short.  Reports say various members of the team have been seen around town imbibing strange brew.   Strange only because they are merely days away from the match of their lives against Cup Champs, The Marines. One report had Mini Van doing the Lambada a.k.a. "The Forbidden Dance" with the Mayor and 2 Pages.  I'm not sure what a Page is, but it doesn't sound good. And shouldn't he be more worried about "The Big Dance"? When Guy Lafleur said "We partied every night,"  I don't think he meant the days leading up to the Championship Finals.  Ok, maybe he did, but he was Guy Lafleur, after all.  Did either Jaybird or Jo-Jo score against 2Short?  I don't know, and I don't care. You don't have to look farther than the return of Number One goalie Maxhamum Security to see where this win came from. It's pretty hard to lose a game when your goalie decides to stop 93 shots en route to a shutout win over the winningest team of the regular season.  The Velvet Rope was unavailable for comment on his teammates carousing. Not out of loyalty, but due to the fact that, in the words of his beloved wife, "He's still not done his squats.  He shouldn't be much more than an hour longer because he's been in there since 2:00."  I spoke to her at 3:45.  

Let's hope they know what they're doing, because I sure don't.

One Hundred and Something Years of Glory

The original lineup of the Flying Dutchmen from the 1906-1907 season.

So far...so far.

I just need a couple of pointers

Yeah, it looks like I'm going to have to hire a non colour blind person who possesses enough computer literacy to talk to the machine because I gotta get some team photos up and it's just not happening.  Is this where I say the site is under construction? 

We are a ball hockey team

After squeaking into the playoffs, we've just defeated the number one ranked team, and are headed to the finals.  I thought it would be a good idea to document the journey.  Better late than never.  This is our story.