Old, Drunk and Unkempt in Europe

Bobette Misses Home and Away Openers 

One thing you may or may not have noticed: Bobette has not shown up yet this season. Only this time, it's literal. His agent, Borky Devereaux, claims that he's been training vigorously in Greece, France, and the UK. However, recent leaked photos from his iCloud account have indicated otherwise. 

These photos show him with multiple "trainers" and "advisors" doing variations on the sitting, lounging and laying-down positions.

    He recently wrote a letter to Sea Bisquee's mother, which was immediately intercepted and dropped off for leakage. Here's almost the whole thing:

Babe,

Garbageman got married. I had to get out of there for awhile. Too many memories. Anyway, it doesn't matter. I love Greece. I could really grow accustomed to life out here in what can only be called "this Fantasyworld". Number one like: the wines. Especially anything from Italy. Number two like: the fast food. Number last like: not being allowed to flush toilet paper with the poops. It's an outrage. What damn century is it, anyhow? Because I forget every time I flush. It's called 'Toilet paper' for Bufo's sake! It just doesn't make any sense. Also, I just wanted to let you know that I go by the name Mitso now, so that's what you call me. Strange coffee ideas out here. Great old buildings, though. Just like the black and white movies we used to watch. Anyways, Take care of yourself and give SB and the rest of the Dutchmen my best. xoxo

P.S. Be good to Eric. He can be harsh with you, but it's because he only wants the best for you. Be home soon???

Mitso

Let's take another look at the trainings. 

And another:

Hmmm.

 If the Dutchmen had a GM, he would probably be asking Vanna to bring in one of his teammates from his many other championship winning teams. 

Fancy Feet to Miss Penultimate Game

“The earth makes a sound as of sighs and the last drops fall from the emptied cloudless sky. A small boy, stretching out his hands and looking up at the blue sky, asked his mother how such a thing was possible. Fuck off, she said.”  - Samuel Beckett

F.F. taking part in charity `First Blood` Re-enactment Day Festivities

Fancy Feet will not be in attendance as the Flying Dutchmen face-off against The Habsbeen, who hold the second seed.  This is a mysterious occurrence, especially considering the high likelihood that  it is this very match up the Dutch will find themselves in come playoff time. 

The crux of the issue is that the Bruins-Wings game takes place on Friday, which means nobody on the entire planet has any idea what the fuck else he could possibly be doing with his time on a night like this.  I'm sure he has a good reason - it'd just better be a good reason.

His absence will be significant also for the fact that Ol' Shitfoot will be taking his place on defense.  From one foot to another?  What's better?  Fancy Feet or Shitty Feet?  Normally fancy feet would be optimal, but considering that we're in the drive to the playoffs, maybe a little shit between the Dutchmen's toes is exactly what is needed heading into the series.  Let's all get back to work.

Ball drop is in the evening.  Which one of these players will "feeture"?  

Ellowfuckingell.

Let the Good Times Roll

The Flying Dutchmen extended their record to 4-1 last week, on Wednesday, October 24th.  It was another come-from-behind win, as they trounced their arch-rivals 7-3.

Pony-tail was his old self.  Slashing and hitting with great zeal, he lost the game for his team, as he's done before, and probably will again.

DaveZ forgot to bring water.

"We Need Graham Back."

Graham, moments after his first cup win.

Another day, another loss.  Another two losses.

"You know, it's not just hurting us.  It's bad for the whole league when you lose a player like that.  He's absolutely a marquee player.  When he's in the lineup, it fires us up.   I don't know what it is, but we're a different team when he's there.  He makes us angry and gives us confidence.  You know, he causes that extra second of hesitation.  It's infectious.  It spreads to their whole team.  It's just frustrating, because we came so close to winning the championship last season, and for the Flying Dutchmen to lose that guy now...it just makes it that much harder for any of the other teams to beat them.  We need Graham back," said the captain of  the other team, Chacals.

"I Love Coming From Behind"

It was a sultry atmosphere in the Flying Dutchmen Hockey Club's showers following their 8-5 come-from-behind victory over Les Achigans.  The air was filled with the sounds of running water and towel slapping goodness.  But one member of the team found himself on the receiving end.
    "J'ai oublié ma serviette," said Fred.  "C'est comme dans un match. Je n'ai aucune protection."

Johnny Kubrick?

Johnny took a bunch of photos and videos during the game.  I asked him to send some of them over to me.  He said some of them didn't turn out so good, so he would only send me the best ones.  

Don't quit your hobby, Johnny.

Someone approaching Matt

An example of the type of game it was

Matt not playing

Handshakes

Handshakes

Alain about to Handshakes

Erik walks back from handshakes

Marines Lose.  Paul gets excited.

And my personal favourite:

We'll always have our memories, I guess.

Here We Go Again

The Flying Dutchmen Hockey Club have been here before.  They've thrice managed to scrape and claw their way into the final, even when some said they had no business of being there.  Always the bridesmaid, never the bride.  That's what they would say.  Don't feel bad - The Marines are the brides.  It's not you, it's them.  The Marines are always the brides.  That's just the way it is; it's perfectly normal for you to feel this way.  Have a tissue.

But not this time.

The Dutchmen have a new dance partner, as it were.  This new partner flies, as well.  They're called The Jets II and if you don't know them yet, you should.  Click here for more information (when the link is set up).

With no less than four key players out of commission (Patrick [wedding season]; John [thumb]; Eric [back]; Graham [what Patrick said]), the Dutchmen had no choice but to call up reserves from the rival MECBHL:

Erik - This Sneaky, tricky forward potted two goals tonight and was a fine substitution, considering he had to fill the larger-than-they-look shoes of one Patrick Costello, who was on personal leave, drinking at weddings.

Pietro - Though he's on the Dutchmen Roster, he's missed some time this season, so for those of you with short memories, he may seem like a new guy.  He's got a hard blade in the corner, and a shot to match.  He got at least one goal tonight, which would put him one ahead of you-know-who. (wink,wink.  Graham.)  Graham.

Paul - Pure sniper.  Smoke break before the game.  Tenacity along the boards.  Slow changes.  Smoke break after the game.  He's always up for a win.  Put in about two goals.  He's basically old John and new John, rolled into one.  As the inimitable Yogi Berra once said, "There are Johns, and then there are Johns.  We got both."

All in all, it's a real Cinderella story.  Only this time, The Flying Dutchmen aren't Cinderella.  They are the bitch the Prince is supposed to sleep with, now that his wife, the Princess, is away on business, or visiting her mother.  Somewhere out of town.  The Marines are the Princess.  The Flying Dutchmen are the girl he keeps on the side.  The Jets II are Cinderella, or Bridget Jones or whatever.  And she's trying to steal the guy we're having an affair with!  THE FUCKING CUP.

Forget that shit.  We bitches be getting laid TONITE! (next wednesday, 7 or 8 pm)  We're gonna HAVE SEX WITH THE  CUP!

No matter what.

John, send me those photos you told me about.

Weetin Caught at Bar after Brawl/loss

Disgusting

CARBO LOAD!

"I chose pasta for energy, and the salad, uh, it's just healthy too, I guess," said forward Weetin five minutes before the start of Wednesday's match. "I'm pretty full. Some of the boys tried to get in on it, but I insisted on eating the whole pot myself - for the energy, see?"

When asked when he'd eaten the meal, he pointed to a dirty pot and plate in the corner of the locker room, "Just finished it now. Or else, what's the point? You gotta have fresh carbs."

When asked if he was worried about the game, he quickly replied "Yeah! A bit! It's gonna be a long game. I'll tell you one thing, I wish I could soak that pot right about now, it's gonna be a bitch to clean later."

The Flying Dutchmen lost tonight, 6-4, against the Deadly Moogly, who extend their winning streak to three games. D-max had his first goal of the season tonight, on a spicy wrist shot from the point, and almost scored two more on set-ups from spaghetti Weetin and someone else (feel free to let us know who it was, all you comment people.)

The Deadly Moogly took a 5-1 lead in the first half. They controlled the flow and capitalized on their chances. The Dutch made some critical errors and always seemed a step behind the play. "Graham" Kussbertsin took a ball on the balls about ten minutes in that left him folded up on the bench, crack-voiced and tear-eyed. He caught every one, though, not letting one get past his rather stiff upper lip.

The second half saw the Dutchmen regain their composure and unleash their never-before-seen second half rally. Did I mention that D-max scored! Well, he did. I see it now, I did mention it. Well, it's worth mentioning twice. D-max scored! Worth mentioning three times, and that's all.

Then they lost anyway, and are all the better for it.

Until next time.

Retraction: Dan's the Man

A post from September 26th, or something, incorrectly stated that a former team captain had the highest plus/minus in the league. Upon further examination, it appears that D-max had a slightly higher rating. He led by one. It seems kind of silly that I have to write this now, actually, seeing as those stats were taken after only one game had been played. After only one game and they've both probably been superseded by someone else (probably a player-ref that shall remain anonymous) after the Flying Dutchmen's 4-2 loss last Wednesday. Anyway I apologize for the inconvenience and blah, blah, blah. Nobody even reads this shit anyway. Whatever.

We play this Wednesday and hopefully, with the Return of Big Daddy Graham, we can put some wins together.

They call it a team sport for a reason. I fear in this new age of statistical analysis, we may forget why we started playing in the first place. There's no +/- in "fun".

Plus/Minus is the new Points

Well, your Club de Hockey Flying Dutchmen are 1-0 in the newly formed ?HL. In a 10-3 rout of Les Rouges, Coach had this to say,
"I couldn't make it, I had to work. I can't make it next week either."
The Velvet Rope now leads the league in all goaltender related stats: GAA, Save Percentage, jersey size etc., but it's Bobette who holds the top spot in the most coveted stat: Plus/Minus.

"As soon as I laced on the sneakers for the first time," he reminisced, "I just had the gift, I guess. I'd get a bad feeling in my stomach, and as soon as that would happen I'd run off as quickly as I could, no matter where the ball was on the floor, and the other team, more often than not, would score just after the change. Coaches and teammates got jealous of my plus/minus I think. They'd call me reckless. But hey, you know what they say, everyone breaks eggs at some point."

Johnny Garbageman holds the fifth spot amongst all players for floortime, trailing his teammate Matt by only 45 seconds.
"My damn shoelace came untied," he growled with a smile, "I tried to play and tie it at the same time, but the ref thought I was hopping like that because I was injured and ordered me off. I called Dave back off as soon as it was tied. I didn't know he was gonna just throw it at our own net."
"That definitely hurt Johnny's plus/minus," said Bobette. "I had to come off, so I just tried to create a bit of chaos to kill time, and it worked out badly in the end. For Garbageman, not for me; I was on the bench by the time the goal went in. I ran up to the scorekeeper after to tell him, actually, because it was pretty close, and I was worried he'd missed it."
The Flying Dutchmen tread the boards tomorrow night at some time against The Bacon Strips. No time to edit this. sorry.

Team Soundtrack Release Party a "hit"

Source Reveals New Dutchmen Logo

No games till the 20th

Letter to the team from Captain Bobette:

No games for 3 weeks! I bet it's because of a strongly worded letter to the ref and league by Bobette. What a crappy game! What a crappy gym! What a crappy douche on the the other team. The straw that broke the camel's back was definitely the ref's non-call following the stick throwing incident between the Flying Dutchman and All-in.

Garbage man intercepted a pass and went in alone on a break away, only to have this big ol' douche throw his stick at him, in a non-vain attempt to knock the ball away.

When confronted, the ref shrugged and said "What am I gonna call it: slashing? hooking?"

It's called THROWING THE STICK

What kind of hockey ref thinks throwing the stick is a normal hockey play.

We also lost fifteen minutes because he decided to wander the halls and play with his phone well after the 8:40 starting time. Sorry I didn't go after him sooner, by the way. I'm not assertive enough to be a great captain. I want Alain back, if for no other reason than to talk to the ref argue with other captains, and to generally be aware.

Oh, but how about my 2 goals. Talk about being a stone-cold sniper. And that guy trying to get one of them taken back. Eff that, bring a goalie next time.

New Uniforms

Ok, this is the last time I'm gonna ask: Well maybe not the last time, but I'm asking again:

LET'S GET MORE UNIFORMS. I can get them CHEAP. Who wants one? Who wants two? Style? colour?

Saturday Game

For those who want extra practice, come out tomorrow to the Fun-league. Don't let the 3-week lay-off wreak havoc with our chemistry and physics. After the game, we're all gonna go on a team building/bonding get-away to my brother's apartment for food. I haven't told him yet. he's gonna be so surprised.

I could have e-mailed this, but I already e-mailed you.

Warm regards,
Bobette

Brawling Dutchmen Get Burned at Fire Station

Crowds Gather ahead of Monumental "Match of the Year"

GYM ABOVE FIRE STATION – “There were too many to stop.”
That was Matt Maxham's succinct summary of the Flying Dutchmen's 8-7 loss to the Juice on Wednesday night.
“It was a question of not being alert in the defensive zone and allowing too many odd-man rushes,” Maxham said after the Dutchmen surrendered a season-high eight goals. “This certainly wasn’t the game I expected.
“I thought we showed a lot of character and battled to the end. We scored a lot of goals, but we couldn’t find a way to keep them out of the net,” Joey G. said.


Battle was a good way to describe the game between the Bottom Division rivals. Two hours after the game, the off-floor officials were still trying to produce the final statistics for the game. The unofficial totals showed 6 penalty minutes with zero fighting majors and zero game misconducts.

Wesco Wins 7-3

Team Owner Hendrik Everhart following FD defeat

We'll get 'em next season.  Patrick C said it best  when he said "Those f*&%ing s*&t a*& prick a*&holes."
D-max was quoted as saying "We didn't run."

JoJo said twenty-seven minutes before the match, "I don't think I'm gonna make it."

Swoopie had this to add:  "What did we do wrong?  I think I missed it."

The Best of the Rest

Captain's brother "really wants to join the Dutchmen"

The Dutchmen have finished the regular season in first place*.  They, being the top seed*, will face Wesco, who hold the last playoff spot after losing their last 3 games of the regular season.  The Dutchmen last faced Wesco 2 weeks ago, a 5-3 win.  I can't remember much about the game, but since i'm the only guy who adds to this page, I guess you're stuck with it.

The Flying Dutchmen have a long standing tradition:  Going for a beer and/or ice cream sundaes after every playoff win.  Will it continue?  Who knows.  If any Dutchmen are reading this, remember:  Bring a towel and soap so we can all shower together before hitting Le Club St. Hub.  I mean, so they can all shower together.

Graham, A.K.A. "Graham-y"  won't be there for this week's match.  Word has it he's gonna be beating the streets, getting funds together for next season.

The team is already set to go for next season, with no major shakeups.  Just 4 months older.  However, Jay, a.k.a. "Jay-er"  has confirmed that he'll be back in the lineup.  "I like Ottawa, but I guess it wasn't a good fit.  Like I said, I've always wanted to finish my career as a Dutchman."

Sham Exceeds Expectations

Disgusting display of Comraderie during exhibition

It was an exhibition triple header against the best team in the league;  what were you expecting?  A last ditch effort to gain a modicum of momentum going into the playoffs?  A statement game, where the statement was "Imagine if we'd made it to the playoffs?"  A win?  Well, none of that happened.  They lost all three, which is what we all knew would happen, right?  The dutchmen are too old.  They don't have enough shooters (or passers).  They get outworked.  They got no finish.  They might as well just roll over.  I knew it all along, didn't you?  Well,  I bet whoever they face next week in the first round of whatever playoff bracket they find themselves in will know it as well.
   Calm down, people.  This was nothing more than a gall darned exhibition.  I don't know who it was came up with the birdbrained idea to hold exhibitions the week before the playoffs, but I bet they won't hold the same post next season.  You think any of these guys give a hoot about tonight's result?  I saw Big Al high five the Warrior's Captain, for crying out loud.  Not after the game, mind you, but right after a Dutchmen scoring chance.  You think you're gonna see that in the playoffs?  Forget about it.  In fact, you know what?  I'm not gonna dedicate any more time or effort writing about this hooey!  I'll see ya next week.  You'll see crow feature prominently on the menu, by Jove.

Oranje Wins by Default!

 

Some things are worth fighting for / some feelings never die / I'm not askin' for another chance / I just wanna know why. - Robert Tepper

 

Those famous words were never so true or famous for The Flying Dutchmen than they were last night.  As Vanna Vong sadly walked to the bench to serve his 2 minutes for hooking in the dying minutes of last nights 5-3 win,  many on the Dutchmen bench screamed in protest.  Especially since replays confirmed that it was Wesco's forward, Thuan D, and not Vanna Vong, who'd done the holding.  With each second that passed, they got closer to winning the battle.  Small comfort considering the war was probably lost the moment that penalty was called.

 

"I didn't hold onto his shaft," a fully worked up Vong said in the gym immediately following the match, "but man, he was grabbing at mine all night." 

Bartlett Traded

Daniel in Montreal at team party

    Stalwart Defenceman Daniel Bartlett has had his trade request fulfilled in a move which sees him rounding out an already funny Montreal Roster.  He adds his wit, charm, and overall sense of humour to to a clubhouse already brimming with laughter.  I mean, a team with the likes of Scott Gomez, P.K. Subban , and class-clown Roman Hamrlik, must surely look forward to the addition of such a supernova (for lack of a better word) of fun.  Bartlett seemed jubilant about the move.